Mental Health Awareness: Speaking out about Bulimia

For many years, I have written on my various blogs about living with bulimia. http://clevawords.blogspot.com    Its something that many don't understand and don't realize so many live in secrecy about. I'm a recovering bulimic. Bulimia is a mental disorder. Plan and simple. For the first time, I will be talking with a group this weekend about my history of eating disorders, body image, anxiety, and coping. I do feel the need to share with other women, especially black women, about this issue. Many women suffer from an eating disorder in one form or another especially binge eating disorder or emotional eating.  Let's let go of the secrey and let the healing begin.

woman in the mirror

There are still issues I'm dealing with. I don't allow or like my picture to be taken. I'm also a workaholic. Both are anxiety and coping issues that are related to my history of bulimia. For me, bulimia wasn't and isn't about losing weight.  Its about coping and the manner in which I address stress.  Yes, some of it is wrapped in body image but its not central to my illness.  Just a symptom, a by product.

I've been in the process of healing for a few years.  I no longer binge/purge but I still have anxiety issues that are being addressed. I've embraced my humanity. I'm flawed and I'm beautiful.  Takes a while to get there but bulimia has been a part of my journey since my 20s.  I've lived with it. I'm ok with saying I've had a mental illness.  Healing can only start with being honest and transparent. I've blogged about bulimia for a few years and I will continue to do so. 

So, this Saturday, I will collaborate with Voice!boX and speak on living with bulimia, not as the Executive Director of CWUW or the Prevention Manager of the Damien Center, but as Rhonda....a everyday person, experiencing everyday things. 

Be Well...

'You Think THAT'S Crazy...' VOICE!boX Inc EmPOWERtainment Session

The Griot Village

6213 La Pas Trail

Indianapolis, Indiana

SUBJECT MATTER: SERIOUS

ATMOSPHERE: ABSOLUTELY NOT.

COME Curious. Leave EmPOWERtained! BE. EAT. SPEAK. & WIN. FREELY.

Join Us for this INTERACTIVE Mental Health Awareness Session & MORE

OUT!LOUD for VOICE!boX Performers & Presenters:

Kenye Fudiyah
Rhonda Bayless
Pam Bass

SESSIONS TEXT re|MIND|er & RSVP text: 317.590.4300

Time to step up

I've been working with a wellness coach and it has been a journey. I'm learning about myself and what I really need to do.

Even though you have the KNOWLEDGE, life has put of roadblocks to being wise and applying that knowledge to your life.

I've had to look at my body image issue very closely. Its dangerous for my psyche. Its planted in control, fertilized in lies, and loved in BS. At the end, here comes Bulimia. It rolls off the tongue like its some weird yet exotic name. (I'm hoping no child is named Bulimia). I've cultivated this side of me. I've nurtured it, supported it, excused it, and even believed in it. Nuts right? Not really. I'm human. The important thing is to start the weeding process and face it.

I completely appreciate Delana (the wellness coach). She is hardcore and yet loving. She wants to see you enlightenment and moving forward. Keep it moving! She holds me accountable and that's all most of this is about in some odd way. Its about the dance between letting go of control and yet embracing discipline.

I gained 25lbs in 2008 partially due to back issues. My goal is to lose 40lbs.

I will take this journey publicly. I will blog on both sites (my own blog and CWUWs). I will document the ups and downs of this journey because we all need to see that it can be done even if you're operating with a psychosis like Bulimia. I will walk the talk.

Are you ready? Lets go!!

I'll provide info for Delana's business in upcoming blogs.

My Journey- Bulimia

I recall the first time I admitted to being bulimic was immediately after my mother died in 2004. I had an "episode". I went to a gas station, bought chocolate donuts, chips and a hostess fruit pie along with a bottled water. I walked back to my car, binged, then purged the food and I felt GREAT. Actually, I felt relieved. The stress of my mother's death and impending funeral was getting to me. This episode wasn't the first and actually wasn't the last but it was the moment when I recognized that I'm a bulimic.

For a black woman to admit to an eating disorder was difficult. Many black women view having an eating disorder as a "white woman's issue". We don't do that, right?. Well, we do. I'm not the only one. There are plenty of black women who suffer from Binge Eating Disorder. Its all very troublesome and healing needs to take place.

My control issues are very connected to my body image issues and my bulimia. I've learned that when I feel out of control, bulimia is my coping mechanism. Its comforting. It allows me to be in control and is calming. As much as a bulimic hates the illness, you haven't learned another coping mechanism so this is like a teddy bear.

Bulimia has never made me thin. If anything its slowed my metabolism and harmed my digestive system. Nothing good has come from it. I'm in recovery and it is a daily battle that I'm winning. Its important for me to reach out to other women, especially black women, who are embarrassed by their bulimia. Don't be afraid to seek help. You must. Bulimia can be a deadly illness.

Take care of yourself. Seek treatment.

Heal.